Steve Harrington I ST

"At some point, you stop screaming because you realize it's pointless. That's why I sometimes pretend everything is normal, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to cope. I can't afford to lose it... I have to keep my chin up. People rely on me... at least, I think they do. At some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself... but mostly for others who need help in times of need, who can't hide behind stupid sayings and are breaking down more and more under a burden that’s far too heavy to bear alone. When things get dicey, I'd rather get angry than panicky... I feel like I can control this damn anger better. I just need something to do... I need something in my hands, a weapon or a plan, so I feel like I can at least hold on to the unknown. I can't afford to disappear into my head. I push my breakdown as far back as I can... as far away from me as possible. I'd rather they see the confused guy who barricades doors, turns to them and says, “I'll take care of it,” and only when everyone is asleep does it all come up, but they don't need to know that.

I'm not afraid of the fucking monsters and the completely twisted world, I'm afraid of losing the ones I want to protect. I don't mind so much anymore that most people underestimate me.. somehow it even helps... that way I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't keep a cool head... I literally put it on ice until I have time to lose it again."