The last time I followed you

Canon-inspired, partially original. No Requiem spoilers.

The rain hung heavy over the city, the streets glistened in the dim light of the lanterns, and somewhere in the distance a siren wailed. The wind tugged at his coat, but he didn't move. He had learned to stand still, to wait still, to hope still...

Ada Wong had always been a shadow, a glance, a half-smile, a promise that was never spoken and therefore never had to be broken. And every time she disappeared, something was left behind. Not much... just enough to make him search for her again, enough to drive him back into her arms, arms that offered no warm embrace, arms that pushed him away when she no longer had any use for him. Leon felt the pain in his chest every time he realized he had fallen for her again, every time he realized that she had not been sincere... that she had only used him, manipulated him... but for a long time he had not blamed her for it, always looking for excuses why she had to act that way, always defending her in his mind and even to others. It was easier for him to deal with these situations that way, easier to move into a dream world that was supposed to make his life easier, but actually made it even harder, because he was a human being, a man... and he too longed for love, like almost everyone else, even if that world was lost, even if love was now just a quiet whisper and hardly had any meaning anymore.

He had loved her since he first met her... it was that damn love at first sight. Leon had been little more than a boy back then, newly arrived, still in his police uniform, believing he would simply be starting his shift that evening. His first day with the Raccoon City Police Department. Instead, he found a dying city. The encounter took place deep beneath the city, in the cold concrete corridors of the Raccoon City Police Department, when everything had already spiraled out of control. Gunshots echoed through the hallways, and everywhere there was this feeling that the world outside was falling apart. And then suddenly there she was. Ada stood in the shadows of a hallway, pistol in her hand, her gaze alert, cool, and yet somehow... attentive... not panicked like the other survivors, not desperate. She moved through this chaos as if she knew exactly where she was going. That was the first thing that struck him. Of course, he had noticed her beauty and elegance, but what really fascinated him was the control she exuded.

While the whole city was falling apart, she stood there with a calmness that was almost shocking. Her voice was soft but clear as she introduced herself to him. Leon often remembered how she had looked at him. She analyzed him immediately, filtering out weaknesses he hadn't even known he had. The encounter ended quickly..  they had only exchanged a few words, exchanged glances, but it was enough for the memory of her to nestle in his heart like a parasite. They kept running into each other. At first, it never seemed staged, sometimes even like a coincidence with the same goals, even if they met on the other side of the world. Ada always had a suitable story ready. Here, too, she always seemed controlled, showing little emotion, but Leon thought he could see some. He didn't know if her stories were completely made up, but they had led him to fight alongside her. She saved his life when a shot rang out in the darkness... and he saved hers. But it always ended the same way... they stood facing each other, looked into each other's eyes, touched each other fleetingly... just enough to rekindle the feelings Leon had for her, then she left him standing there and he found out that she had been working for some corrupt organization and that her goal was to use him for their purposes.

There had been times when he was ashamed of his naivety; he was otherwise unshakeable, trusted no one... he didn't believe the melodramatic stories of others, or simply ignored them because they obscured the real goal, but with Ada... he fell for it again and again. He had last seen her 10 years ago, when he found her crying, completely broken, near the city where he was stationed. He didn't know her like this, and he took her in immediately, cared for her... listened to another dramatic story, believed her when she said she had broken free from all the shadows and wanted to stay with him. She confessed to him that she couldn't stop thinking about him, that she was in love with him... that now that she had chosen him, they could finally be together, fight together. And he believed her... he believed everything she said. For five days, she was by his side... for five fucking days, she played his girlfriend, was protected by his people and treated with respect, supported Leon on smaller missions, but just when he felt safe, he found a note in which she told him that she was moving on, that she was no longer in danger now that the BSAA had neutralized her arch-enemy, and that she was looking for something else, that she didn't believe in love in this world. The letter ended with a dry “thank you, Leon.”

The pain had always remained with him, even though he could block it out and use it to complete missions even more intensely, even more ruthlessly. In quiet moments, he still thought about her again and again, but he couldn't bring himself to hate her; instead, he hated himself.

Time passed, Leon matured, grew older... even more cynical, and managed to reduce his feelings to a minimum. As a fighter, you didn't need feelings; you just had to know when to use your innate emotions and when to ignore them. He only engaged in meaningless affairs... and sometimes he even blocked those out because they brought him nothing, because they were worthless and only wasted time. Love no longer had any weight for him; physical encounters were merely a small pleasure, brief... and sometimes not even significant. He learned to stop blaming himself for this powerful phase of his life; he dismissed it as a learning process he had to go through, one that had shaped him and taught him what was really important in a world like this.

On a rainy Sunday, however, his world was once again turned upside down.

He was in his government quarters, a small apartment that had been provided for him, waiting as usual for a new assignment, when he stepped out onto the small balcony and looked down at the still relatively stable city, which didn't seem as if everything was going down the drain out there, and this scent came into his nose, awakening countless memories. A hint of jasmine, red amber, and a light note of sandalwood, and then that barely perceptible hint of cool smoke and black tea. It was Ada's perfume... unmistakable, no one else wore that combination. He spotted a red cloth fluttering in the wind, damp but not yet soaked by the pattering rain. His heart was pounding... but his head told him to be cautious. Down in the parking lot, he saw another cloth attached to his Porsche.

He resisted the urge to follow this trail; it could only be a trap... and even if it wasn't, he wasn't her damn little dog that came running when his mistress called. And yet... he couldn't resist the impulse. He told himself he wouldn't jump, not this time, and yet, a little later, he was already sitting in the car. The city slowly swallowed him up as he followed the next red strip of fabric hanging from a street lamp. At first, the trail led him through familiar, still reasonably safe neighborhoods, Cafés cast warm light onto the wet sidewalks, people walked past each other with umbrellas. For a brief moment, everything seemed almost normal, but with each additional piece of cloth, the surroundings changed a little more. The next piece of fabric hung from a construction fence, then one from a rusty traffic sign. At some point, Leon realized that he had long since left the well-kept neighborhoods of the city behind. The rain was now pelting harder on the windshield, while the houses around him seemed darker and more deserted.

Finally, he parked the car and continued on foot. The red cloths continued to appear, one fluttering above a fire escape, another hanging loosely in a narrow alley between two buildings, where water ran in thin rivulets across the asphalt. The rain had made his coat heavy, but he kept walking as that old, familiar feeling spread through his chest, a mixture of mistrust, tension, and something else he didn't want to admit to himself. Ada liked to play games, but this one felt different. The last strip of cloth finally led him to a deserted square where a single building rose out of the darkness. Tall and old, it towered above him, its windows black. Leon stopped and looked up as the wind tugged at the last red cloth fluttering above the entrance. Somewhere deep inside, he already knew that he had gone too far to turn back now. It wasn't easy to reach the top floor of this building. Inside, it looked almost destroyed. In some places he had to climb up the outer wall, and once he almost fell. It was a life-threatening act, and for what? For a woman who had never meant him any good, and yet he continued... he kept going until he finally entered an apartment that still seemed intact, furnished with furniture, and there was her scent again, stronger than ever. 

When he entered her living room, she was sitting there, older... more mature but still beautiful, still in control, and she smiled at him with that ice-cold smile that showed him she knew exactly that he would come. They didn't speak, they just looked at each other for minutes. Leon didn't want to listen to another one of her lies, so he didn't move until he saw her lips move and she was ready to say something. He grabbed her wrist, pulled her toward him, and shook his head. What happened next had to happen... it was clear where this would lead, and he went along with it. He wanted it, he craved it, and he put all his resolutions aside. They spent a long, intense night together, two bodies that had craved each other for years, not gently nestling together, but uniting in a brutal frenzy of lust. Neither of them wanted gentleness at that moment... but Leon took the lead and she submitted to him for the first time, relinquishing her control completely. The hours passed, and again and again they fell upon each other, even when their bodies could hardly take it anymore. All the anger, all the spurned love... old feelings mingled with this frenzy until the next morning, when their battered skin, covered with scratches, glistened in the first light of the sun. They still hadn't exchanged a word. Leon gently caressed her cheek, kissed her swollen lips while she was still fast asleep. Then it was he who finally got up, took one of her scarves, and left a message on it with a pencil.

“Ada. That was the last time. Don't look for me anymore. Leon.”

He placed the scarf next to her on the pillow, looked at her one last time before turning away. And this time he didn't stop, didn't turn around again, he buried his love for her in his heart, locked it away once and for all, and metaphorically threw away the key and every damn lock pick that might still be resting in his chest and in his head. It was a chapter in his life that he could now finally close... and this time forever.