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BanterGenre: Drama/EmotionalGenre: Sci-Fi/Futuristic/CyberpunkGenre: Supernatural/Occult/ParanormalRated - MildWriting - MSL
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Banter RepostStranger ThingsStranger Things 4.5Billy HargroveSteve HarringtonMax Mayfield
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Fabulous Killjoy
| HAWKINS FAMILY VIDEO ARCHIVE // BEST VIEWED ON PC | TAPE 01 | ||||
| NOW PLAYING
Heaven Can Wait STRANGER THINGS 4.5 // 1986 |
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| (c) HEADER MADE BY
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| It's been three weeks since Vecna tore deep gates into the hells of the Upside Down, stealing Max Mayfield's consciousness, and leaving Hawkins in shambles; Three weeks in which Billy Hargrove tried to recover from his nine month long coma after the Mind Flayer's horrifying possession. He has survived... but survival is not the same as living.
Haunted, isolated, and unsure what to do with that second chance he never expected, Billy finds himself drawn to Max’s hospital room, keeping vigil at the bedside of the stepsister he once failed to protect. He doesn't expect Steve Harrington to run into him — one of the many people he hurt, and one of the many who fought to save him and Max anyway... Can Steve find it in himself to forgive the guy who made his life hell? Can Billy learn how to live with the weight of what he’s done and who he almost became? And somewhere between the raw edge of Iron Maiden and the aching pulse of Madonna, could they find a rhythm strong enough to guide them out of the dark, and toward something neither of them see coming?  |
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| Her hand felt cold again. Why was her damn hand always so cold? Billy sighed, rolled his burning eyes when he went to turn up the heating, only to be taken aback when the knob wouldn't budge. It was already pushed to the max, yet the radiator felt even colder than her hand. Ridiculous. But with four gates and several deep tears ripped into hell by a psychopathic madman's strange powers, Billy supposed he couldn't ask for more. Not even for a hot water bottle for his stepsister.
He stepped back to her bed and gently stuffed both of her hands underneath her blanket, making sure to be careful with the casts, tubes, and cables. Then, he pulled the blanket up over her chest some more. "Sorry, Max," he mumbled, his voice raspy and strained like he went through another voice change. "The power went out again last night and the pieces of shit can't get the heating to work, but... it's April already, so... here's hoping that the fucking weather makes up for it soon..." It wouldn't get much warmer anytime soon, and he knew it. The Upside Down bled into Hawkins like a never-healing, putrefying wound. The military had worked day and night to keep it at bay as much as possible, but it was not enough. He felt it on his skin, like a disgusting layer of sweat after not showering for weeks. And the weather? Really? Billy didn't know why he could only get himself to talk about that kind of bullshit when he was here. Perhaps, it was because talking still hurt in his inflamed throat, having been forced to keep a tube down his windpipe for months and months on end. Perhaps, it was because it was still hard to catch enough air to speak at all; He always felt like he'd run a marathon after speaking only a couple of sentences. But Billy already knew what was the most likely option: He just couldn't find the courage to talk about what really mattered. Not yet. Not when Max lied here in his place, where he was supposed to be. He let out the deepest of breaths, already exhausted after mumbling so little, and sat back down on the chair beside her bed. Usually, he avoided Max' other visitors like the plague, sneaking into her room outside of regular visiting hours. Today, he forgot about the passing of time. After all: What was the worst that could happen if he stayed a little longer? 
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| The world was turned upside down... literally, at least in Hawkins, the warm bosom where Steve and all his friends had grown up. There was no longer any warmth to speak of, everyone's lives had changed. They were involved in things that exceeded the imagination of mankind, things no one would ever have thought possible, things that resembled a terrible nightmare from which there was no awakening. Yes... it was a damn nightmare, a life that could hardly be considered worth living, and yet everyone pulled together, helped each other, fought, tried not to give up, no matter how terrible and even traumatic it became. The girls and boys from Hawkins had formed an unshakeable unity, a bond that not even Vecna could break, even though terrible losses and cruel phases overshadowed the whole thing. First it was Barb, Nancy's best friend, whose death still troubled the young woman today, and Steve also felt that guilty conscience like a tug at his heart, because when Barb died, he had been having fun with Nancy at that moment. Maybe... maybe it would have turned out differently if they hadn't lost control of their hormones right then.
Then it was Billy's turn, a slow, tenacious, and barbaric transformation that no one had noticed at first because the new dude had seemed more like a disruptive factor from the start. A rough guy, self-absorbed, strong... the crush of all the girls... and a feast for the eyes of the more mature ladies of Hawkins. Steve in particular had often clashed with him, feeling threatened, robbed of his excellent reputation as king of the school. But in the end, all of this had led Steve to understand that fame and recognition meant nothing... not when it was based on superficiality, not when it was simply about pretending to be something you weren’t. Max, Billy’s little half-sister, was accepted into the close knit circle of kids, and Steve also thought highly of her. He noticed how she fled from Billy, how she tried to go her own way, how she repeatedly got into heated conflicts with him, and since Steve himself came from a rather loveless home, he felt sorry for Max and also felt the urge to protect her and stand behind her. But then came the showdown, and once again, even the bravest member of the group was put to the test. Billy was possessed by a Mind Flayer, used and tortured to bring Vecna closer to his goal of creating a so-called bridge, and by the time the group realized what was happening, it was almost too late. The rebellious blond kid sacrificed himself for his sister... actually for everyone, and he almost died, maybe he was even dead for a while, trapped in a terribly mangled body, hooked up to machines that kept the human alive. Max suffered terribly because of it, because even though she couldn’t get along with Billy, she loved him, she stood by him, and her guilty conscience made her a shadow of her former self. Steve didn’t know how to help her. He wasn’t a man of many words, sometimes he couldn’t even find the right ones, he even imagined that he made everything worse when he opened his mouth, but even this time he couldn’t avert fate. Billy survived and had apparently even awakened... but Max... Max couldn’t escape Vecna. Her brain was damaged, and the only thing left was her body, which.. like Billy’s before.. was kept alive. For Steve, his world fell apart. Guilt again... despair again. Had they overlooked something? Could they have done something? More than what they had been trying to do all along to save her? Should he have read the letter he’d received from her, even though she had asked him to do so only in an emergency? Had Max given up and already resigned herself to her fate? Did she want to save Billy with it? All these questions preoccupied Harrington and the others, of course. The mood was somber, full of grief, and yet no one wanted to give up on Max, and no one would allow the machines that were keeping what was left of her alive to be turned off. They all clung to hope... the last spark they had left. Lucas visited Max every day, and the others took turns when Lucas needed a little break. They all talked to her, each in their own way, they cared for her, read comics to her, played her song to create some structure. Max was not alone... and they all wanted her to know that. 
Billy looked like he had been pulled out of a burning building and then forgotten to be put back together. His skin was pale and taut, almost waxy, his cheeks sunken. Even his hair, that damn, overly perfect Hargrove hair, hung colorless over his forehead, And the scars...ugh.. Steve forced himself not to stare too long, but his gaze kept wandering back to those bright lines that ran across Billy’s chest. Holy shit. This is no longer the guy who threatened to break my jaw a year ago. And suddenly Steve noticed something stirring inside him. A tugging in his chest. Damn it, Harrington, don’t feel anything now. He squared his shoulders as if that would help. The guy ruined half your face. He hated you before monsters were even an issue here. “Almost impressive, man,” Steve muttered quietly. He didn’t know if he was saying it to Billy or to himself. He waited a moment, as if Billy would respond with something. A snort, a curse, anything that would push him back into his old role, which was easier to bear than this strange tugging in his chest. “We’ll take care of Max,” he murmured. “We won’t abandon her,” he said, almost defiantly. “We couldn’t stop it... we tried, with every fucking means.” He added, then fell silent, trying to appear cool, to switch back to his old role as the arrogant king. “If you want to beat me up for anything... please don’t hit me in the face. I have still.... a brand image to uphold. Okay, yup, that was stupid. You probably wouldn’t even hit me. So... um, right now. Not... you know... in general. What I’m trying to say is...” He made a helpless gesture with his hand, somewhere between an apology and jazz hands. “We’ll figure it out.... Max.. you, all the upside-down stuff. And if not, then... we’ll improvise. That’s not my specialty, by the way. Tactics are more like... level two. Or three. Or... well, somewhere behind ‘I’ll run and hope for the best.’ And... if you want to know...” Steve ran his fingers through his hair, as he always did when something got to him. “I didn’t think you’d survive that. So... well done, man. That was close. You made it... then Mad Max can do it anytime.” |
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| Oh... So that was the worst that could happen if he stayed a little longer...
The second the door opened, Billy hurled his head around, his fingers clawing into the armrests of his chair until he could feel at least one of his nails splitting. His first instinct was to get up and leave. He wasn't ready for this. But with his entire body tensing up as though he was tied to an electric chair, Billy remained right where he was, rendered to helplessly await his fate. His already aching throat tightened, and he instantly forgot how to move his chest to draw air into his lungs. Of course, out of everyone who could have shown up here — Susan, Sinclair, the Byers', the Wheelers, or that kid with a lisp whose name he kept forgetting — it just had to be Steve fucking Harrington. It rang painfully in his ears when the guy dropped everything he was holding, and he looked away when he burned himself on his coffee. Needless to say, King Steve was not expecting him at all, either. His eyes felt dry from keeping them widened like a frightened goose. Nothing would come out of him. No greetings, no fuck-offs, not even a nod of acknowledgement. Billy felt as paralyzed as he had when the Shadow had its grasp on him, and he wanted nothing more than to flee. Flee into safety, where it was cold as shit, but at least no one saw him break away like a rotten branch on a tree. Flee into isolation, where it was dark and dreadful and lonely, but at least no one compared him to what he once was... Or what he had pretended to be. His dry eyes carried his gaze over to Max, and he finally breathed again. No. Hell, no. He was not going to leave her side like a weakling just because some guy, who'd known him as the one he'd desperately tried to be, would finally see his true, pathetic self: The Billy Hargrove without the muscle he'd built up, without the styling spray in his now lifeless hair, without the sun-tan on his now pale and clammy skin, and without the ladies waiting in line for a scrap of his attention. And so, he stayed in his electric chair, just looking at Max, because that crazy little fighter was all he was here for. When Steve started reading from a comic book to her, frankly, Billy rolled his eyes into the next dimension. But it didn't take long for him to actually feel a little more at ease from it. An invisible thread tugged at the corner of his mouth for a second. Actually, he thought it was a great idea. Had he had enough courage to look through her stuff back in Susan's trailer, he probably would've found a bunch of her comic books to read to her. It could have been good for his speech therapy as well. But he didn't. Because after what he had endured, after what he had seen and what he had done, there was no courage left. Well... perhaps, that was going to change today. Why else would he stay while the anxiety of simply being perceived was gnawing at him from the inside? Suddenly, it was quiet. Billy glanced over at Steve, just for a second, but long enough to catch the guy's look at his horribly scarred chest. He zipped up his jacket all the way until he nearly squeezed the tender skin on his throat with it. With how much weight he had lost, his clothes were now at least two sizes too big and hung loosely on his shoulders, and buttoning up his shirts was no longer enough to cover himself when he was hunched over like that. He wanted to tell Steve to keep his damn eyes to himself, but refrained from it. And then... Steve talked. Not to Max this time, but to him. Billy held his breath again. The words alone had his heart pick up in pace, and he felt a painful pressure behind his eyes. His mouth opened, a desperate attempt to bring up his voice, but... nothing would come out. Eventually, the world became blurry. Billy swallowed a lump down his throat. His eyes shut tightly and he took a very, very deep breath before any of his tears had a chance to manifest. There were one or two points where he wanted to tell him to shut up already, but he refrained from that, too. He was too tired to bring up the motivation. Then, for a while after Steve's speech, it was silent. Billy composed himself, turned his face away before he deemed it safe enough to look forward again. His mouth opened, but this time, he was determined to not close his lips until he finally got a damn word out, no matter what it took. "... I know," he croaked eventually. Simple, short, but true. He knew. He knew that they would take care of Max, that they wouldn't abandon her, that they'd tried everything to save her, and that she would make it. That alone had him fight tears again. His lower lip stung when he bit it to keep them at bay. Pathetic. Billy continued speaking very slowly, having to concentrate on every single word before saying it. "I... saw everything. Don't know or understand all of that shit yet, but... I saw it all. You and Buckley and Nancy in that house... And El, too. Saw her finding Max like she found me once. I saw... that complete, deranged fucking madman. How he took Max. And Eddie... Man, I'm sorry about Eddie. I smoked weed with him once, he wasn't that bad... Not too sorry about Jason though." Billy could feel that all the talking was beginning to exhaust him, so he decided to keep the rest short. "I saw all of that while I was kinda dead, so... I'm not gonna punch your pretty face, don't worry. I mean... I could punch you for wrecking my fucking car, but Nancy would be dead if you didn't, so... whatever, I guess... And about surviving that... shadow... monster... thing, well... Don't know why I went ahead and did that shit." |
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| Steve would probably feel honored if he knew that Billy would choose anyone else over him, because that would mean he had somehow made an impression on Billy Hargrove back then. It was the typical thinking of a young adult who, as a teenager, always wanted to be the alpha male... but couldn't enjoy it for long and now didn't give a shit about such things. Anyway... Steve wasn't resentful, or... well, maybe he was, but in his own way. The way he tried to act cool, to behave like a wise adult, only to blurt out ill-considered remarks and insinuations at some point. Billy obviously still had trouble speaking, but that was understandable. The injuries had been terrible, and it was all the more miraculous that this guy was still alive, able to walk, think, and articulate himself. A damn miracle that filled Steve with hope again... if Billy had survived that, then Max would survive it too. Right...? That was the logic of every damn Hollywood movie, that was how the younger ones played when they lost themselves in their fantasy worlds. Good triumphed and those who were believed dead rose again.
The comic had already fallen to the floor as well, and Steve didn't pay any attention to it anymore. He was far too busy puffing himself up like a rooster, trying to stay cool. He wanted to appear self-confident and unassailable and somehow keep his facial expressions under control. Sorry Max... you won't find out until tomorrow whether the girl managed to kick the arrogant school heartthrob in the balls, or whether the protagonist fled the city to be swallowed up by the fictional game world reminiscent of Pac-Man. Damn, what irony... “Well, dude, we don't understand everything yet... but we're working on solving it, bit by bit... as fast as we can. But this overpowered fucker is keeping us on our toes.” When Billy mentioned Eddie, his stomach tightened again. Damn... They all missed him, and he hadn't survived; he died from his injuries. And while half the town rejoiced, assuming that one of the most feared murderers had been killed, his grave was desecrated and his name continued to be dragged through the mud. He didn't deserve that... he damn well didn't deserve that. “Yes, Munson was a fucking hero... In the past, I would have seen him as a freak too... I probably would have reacted to him in a similar way to all the basketball idiots at Hawkins High. The main thing was to be one of the cool kids, the main thing was to be above everything and everyone, just because you thought that made you special...” It was only a few seconds later that he realized how deeply he had revealed himself with these words. His big eyes widened, he grabbed the coffee mug ... which of course was empty .. and pretended to drink something, just to hold on to something. “You saw all that... and experienced it in a way? That's a freak show, man. That means... you were connected to both worlds... and probably still are.” He mumbled the last sentence, barely audible and to himself. He had to hold on to this thought and talk to the others about it. What if Billy could still be manipulated? What if Vecna still had access to him and could use him like a puppet again? A cold shiver ran down his spine as he stared at Hargrove, somewhat frozen. “Nancy? Since when do you care about Nancy? Hey... there were some serious problems between me and Jonathan for a while... I hope you're not going to join in now and out yourself as a Nancy sympathizer. If so, good luck... the lady isn’t easy... but you have to give her credit, she's damn smart, and when she rolls her eyes, you don't just see it, you feel it... it gets under your skin. But... I'm over it. I look out for her... or mostly she looks out for me... but there are no more feelings involved.” Can you finally shut up, Harrington? Do you want to read him your diary... I mean... if you had one? It's Billy... Billy Hargrove. Give him more ammunition to grill you. “Mind Flayer... and you didn't do shit. You had no choice... he controlled you, and the fact that you managed to fight back in the end and save El... save all of us somehow, that was top tier, buddy.” Buddy? God... if I had just stayed in bed today and enjoyed myself... that would have been far more constructive and far safer. His gaze fell back on Max, and his features immediately softened, perhaps even showed a hint of pain. Did she like that the two men weren't at each other's throats? Did she notice? Was she proud of the two stubborn men who had almost killed each other? So many thoughts were running through his head, but they all clumped together into a painful knot. “This whole thing is a fucking shitshow. And none of us knows who's next. All our plans fail, as if Vecna is always one step ahead. I don't know what will happen if we give up and give the army free rein. Those fuckers are in on it themselves... some scientists who stuck their noses too deep into the asses of worlds that are none of their business. The world out there has changed, Hargrove. Appearance and image don't matter anymore... it doesn't matter if you're a freak or one of the so-called normal people... the only thing that matters is solidarity, and believe me, that's not easy. You looked after Max... now imagine if you had had to look after six Maxes. The kids are cool... but fuck, every one of them would walk through fire for us all right now.” He looked up and gazed directly into Billy's eyes. “For you too... for Max's sake, because we all know how important you are to her.” |
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| And here comes the rambling again. Billy barely turned his head towards him, just enough to catch a glimpse, as if revealing the whole of his sunken face could provoke the guy to spit at him or something. He wouldn't. He knew he wouldn't. It was an instinct so deeply edged into his body that he could barely break free from it... But at least, Billy looked at him at all, and for a while, he only watched Steve talk like his life depended on it. He usually hated having to listen to ramblings because his attention span was never the best, but at least it gave him some time to rest his vocal cords.
But then... You saw all that... and experienced it in a way? That means... you were connected to both worlds... and probably still are. Billy looked forward again, gazing at Max, feeling a deep sting in his chest. Steve tried to keep that last remark to himself, he knew that; But he still heard it, a shadow of a whisper, like his senses heightened with the sole purpose of mocking him. It was a thought that had run through his own mind more often than he could count ever since he was awake again, and he would try his utmost to keep that idea away from his remaining sanity. He couldn't comprehend what that would mean, didn't want to imagine what else he could be dragged into. He closed his eyes again and took the deepest of breaths to keep calm. Talking helped, right? He had to practice, anyway, even if it was hard. "I don't give a shit about Nancy, but she's..." Karen's daughter. Shit. He went way ahead of himself there, let the words roll off his tongue before thinking. But Billy couldn't say that, so he carried on with other words instead. "She's... badass, really. Looked me dead in the eye while she tried to shoot me. She... wouldn't have deserved to be crushed to death like that. And I would have if not for you. That's all. And... whatever you and Byers had going on because of her or whatever... I really don't... care. Whatever you say, man." His throat hurt like hell when he swallowed another lump down his throat. This was the second time that he had a laryngitis since he came back because of how fucked up his immune system was. Billy let out a little noise of complaint from the pain but tried to keep it as low as possible. And it certainly wasn't helping that his stupid eyes filled with stupid tears again when he heard Steve talk about how little choice he'd had back then, how he'd saved El and the others, about the madman he knew as Henry, that appearances don't matter... His teeth caught his lower lip again, biting down until it hurt. And the way Steve looked into his eyes when Billy dared to glance at him again, how he talked about how much he mattered to Max... His nose flared, and he stared back into the guy's eyes, almost with contempt. "Can you like... I don't know... shut the fuck up for five goddamn minutes, Harrington?" Billy regretted it the moment the words slipped out of his mouth, but it was too late for that, anyway. The breaths he took through his nose were sharp, shallow, and trembled with his lungs. Even his chin and lower lip quivered along like the pathetic weakling that he was. "You really don't know shit, man. You say I had no choice? Is that what you think, hm? Is that what helps you sit here and talk to me like I haven't torn people apart and killed them? Like I haven't almost killed you? I'll tell you about that. That madman, he gave me choices... One more horrible than the other. Made me choose between drugging people or choking them to get them out of their safe houses. Made me choose between killing them with my bare hands or watching them die in agony when their whole bodies burst into a bloody, boney pile. When I got El in the mall, you know the options he gave me? Break her arms and legs so she can't run, or bang her head against the wall. And when I chose the second option because I didn't want to break her fucking bones, he reminded me of the time I broke Max' friend's arm back in San Diego for standing up to me. And then, he told me that I should be more true to myself, because I actually enjoyed hurting people." An angry tear wanted to fall from his eye. Billy let it happen, couldn't stop his voice from cracking. "He riled up the anger that I already had in me until I couldn't even tell whether it was me or him doing these things! When I struck Max so hard that she blacked out, all he did was show me my own memory of how my dad beat up my mom, and then it already happened! I didn't look after Max. I wasn't important to her. We hated each other, and I made her life hell because my life was hell. And those stupid names you give everything... Mind Flayer... It didn't crawl out of a fantasy story, Harrington, it was a fucking monster! And Vecna? Really?! His name is Henry, and he's real! Stop talking like everything's going to work out just like that!" Billy got up from his chair and promptly ran into Max' bedside table from the sudden wave of dizziness. He wanted nothing more than to get the hell away from this, but found himself paralyzed. Max was still there, lying in her bed like a dead weight. Could she hear them? He took a breath, leaned on the furniture he had just bumped into, and almost pulled every of his remaining muscles trying not to break down in sobs right in front of Steve. |
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| Steve was a little surprised when the situation suddenly changed and became extremely unpleasant. Or... maybe he wasn't surprised; he could even relate to some of what Billy said. It would be strange if a young man who had been torn from his life, had gone through terrible experiences, had been used as a tool by a super monster, and was now sitting next to his dying sister, would take all of this in stride and not break down. He frowned and tried to remain calm on the one hand, and on the other, to understand the other man's words, to be considerate, to actually keep his mouth shut and just let Billy talk, because sometimes you needed that... sometimes you had to let out everything that had been bottled up. But Steve wasn't a psychologist. He was compassionate... he had empathy, but he found it difficult to find the right words at the right moment; he hadn’t learned how to do that... he didn’t know how. In that respect, he wasn’t like Dustin or even Will. And why should he keep his mouth shut now, while Billy Hargrove was delivering an ode to self-hatred, self-destruction, anger, and accusation?
His head was spinning and he even felt a little angry. Angry because he could understand Billy, angry because he saw many similarities between them, angry because he didn’t know how to deal with it and felt like a complete idiot for having previously tried to offer the other person words of reassurance and thereby admitting his weakness. But here... this wasn’t about him, not about confused Steve... the so-called babysitter. This was about Billy and also about Max, which is why he swallowed his anger. "I see... so you call that a choice? If that's how you want to see it and if it helps you portray yourself as a monster, then okay... okay dude, then you were and maybe still are a monster. No problem, Upside Down Billy. People who are broken, who are angry, are easier to control than others... that's logical and makes sense, and VECNA knows that too... that's kind of his credo. But that can happen to any of us... or why do you think it's always us who fall into his hands? He could do the same thing to me... oh, he could find a lot, he could suck me dry and use me... King Steve against the rest of the world and against those he loves, because this idiot never learned how to show true love and because he doesn't know how it feels, because so far he's only been loved for his super cool image and his money. Yummy... tasty for Vecna. And now? Do you really want to get worked up about the fact that the boys equate this fucked-up Henry world with their DND fantasies and have invented names that give them support and strength to get through it all better? Everyone deals with it differently... and if the younger ones give the monsters fantasy names... then I'll accept it, then I'll support them so they don't lose hope and the will to live." He shook his head slightly. "And if you hate yourself and want to blame yourself for everything because you think you're a perfidious, incorrigible asshole who enjoys causing others pain, then I'll accept that too... that's your world and apparently your way of dealing with it. Check it out, Billy Boy... but that won't help Max either, and it won't kill VECNA or end it. You're alive, and you can make a difference now, or you can just stand still and wallow in your self-hatred and stop searching for the core that isn't poisoned inside you... that doesn’t just contain evil. Max didn’t hate you, she was afraid of you, yes... but she always, ALWAYS saw something in you that we couldn’t see. And in that regard, I will support her. That’s my job... I’m the stupid guy with the perfect hair who supports and talks too much. Double check... so think about what you really want, Hargrove, and don’t worry, I'm not going to kiss your ass and force you to be one of us. But if we have to save you... because that's our only chance to bring Max back to life, then we'll do it... whether you like it or not." |
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| Billy rarely had the freedom to make choices in his life. It was always one or the other, and tied to the conditions of somebody else... usually his father. Wash the dishes or clean the bathroom. Get good grades or get grounded. Look after Max or give up your car. And while some of these options may have been sensible for a father to offer his child, others were not. Choose neither and you get a beating. Be a man to my standards or get a beating. Sit still in your damn chair or get a beating. It was merely an illusion of choice, used to control and shape him to his will.
And when Billy dared to make a decision of his own? Like coming home five minutes later than he was instructed because he was old enough to take care of himself? Or having one more beer than he was allowed? Or going out to see a girl he liked rather than driving Max everywhere? Well... There was a good guess as to what happened, then. Make the choices I offer you, or be yourself and get a beating. Simple. Cruel. If you never have a choice, acting out and causing damage that cannot be fixed with a beating were the only choices you had left. And Vecna had known that; He knew Billy's desperate need for autonomy, for freedom, knew how to give him the same illusion of choice that his father had completely blinded him with. He knew about his crippling self-worth and how to fuel his own power from it. Billy grasped onto the bedside table as though he was scared of slipping into nothingness if he let go. Steve's steady voice gave him something to hold onto with his mind where his body couldn't, and he listened, his muscles beginning to tremble from the needless force. Eventually, his lungs decided that it was too hard to hold his breath any longer and forced him to give in. He loosened his grip, faced the ceiling to keep more tears from falling. Billy couldn't keep up that dam anymore. Not here, not in front of Max, not even in front of Steve Harrington. It was fine because Max couldn't see him; But Steve? Steve had been there. He had seen everything. He'd witnessed Billy's cruelty firsthand, with or without the influence of a huge meat monster, and still, he opened himself up more than Billy could have ever expected. Finally, he lowered himself back down onto his electric chair, only that it didn't feel quite so harrowing anymore. He covered his eyes with his hand, and for the first time in months and months and months... he just cried. He let it out. All of it. Somehow, Billy knew that Steve wouldn't ridicule him for it. When he calmed down after a few minutes, he picked out his hanky to blow his nose, but didn't wipe the tears. There was something liberating about leaving them as they were. Now, his face wasn't just pale, sunken, and unshaved. It was red, wet, and real. "I'm... I..." He sighed, frustrated that he couldn't find the right words right off the bat. Talking after crying was even more exhausting, and he had to take breaks often, even in the middle of his sentences. "Y'know, if I only had a fraction of your... your bravery, Harrington, I'm sure a lot of shit would be easier," Billy confessed quietly. "And damn, you really do talk too much. But it's... fine. Guess I had to hear all that, and... Guess you're right." He paused to breathe, his gaze fixed on Max, her fiery red hair, and the gray tendril-like scars around her eyes. "... I've been told that my dad divorced her mom and left, so... actually, she's not even my sister anymore. But she's lying there now instead of me. I can't just leave like my piece-of-shit father did, even if you were more like a brother to her than I ever was... And that crap I did last year in the Byers' house, man... Beating you up like that... That was just... really dumb. Could've killed you if Max didn't step up." He pursed his lips and cocked his eyebrows, though. "But you gotta admit — I kinda had a point, being suspicious of whatever the heck was going on in there. Should've just... gone about it differently. Wasn't cool. I'm... sorry." |
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| A minor confrontation with a Demogorgon might have been easier for Steve to handle than this scenario, which resembled an emotional roller coaster. At first, Billy had been acting sickly and dismissive. Then he was sickly and extremely angry, and now...? Now he seemed sickly and... extremely sad. Steve noticed it... he could see it, witness it firsthand, how Billy Hargrove suddenly became calmer... how his voice became firmer, even though it was barely audible, and how it then broke again when everything that had been building up... finally came out. Steve sat there at first and didn't move. He just stared at the blond man, completely confused... completely overwhelmed and yet somehow fascinated. No one would believe him... no one except Max, and even she might need convincing that her brother had almost voluntarily opened up to someone like him. Well... voluntarily... that was a matter of opinion; it was probably just a loss of control over his own emotions... something like that didn't always happen voluntarily.
Steve, get up... move your ass, go over there and do what you do when someone is as emotionally distraught as Billy. Steve! STEVE! He flinched when his mind was haunted by a voice that was very familiar to him. No... it wasn't anything supernatural, it wasn't anything strange, it was just his conscience kicking in at that moment... “Great... my inner voice sounds like Robin... excellent, and I thought I'd seen it all... but no... my inner voice, my conscience, the angel on my shoulder, is Robin.” he muttered to himself, barely audibly, then looked up and regarded Billy calmly and... understandingly. “It's not bravery, man... I'm just self-absorbed and attached to life. Survival instinct and all that. After all, I still want to date lots of ladies... which is sure to be problematic again now that Billy Hargrove, the dream of all women, is back. But no hard feelings... I'll just have to live with it.” In reality, however, Steve wasn't being brave for himself... but for his friends. They mattered, they were important, and dates with girls? Well... even when Billy was in a coma, he couldn't get lucky with them anymore. Maybe he had simply forgotten how, or maybe his head was preoccupied with other things, like saving the world, for example. “I haven't brought any children into the world either... and I've grown fond of the little brats and have to babysit for them every now and then, even though some of them may already be more mature than I am... just because your parents got divorced doesn't mean she's not your sister anymore. She'll always be a part of you.” He cleared his throat, choked, and finally coughed. “It's really sweet when you apologize and then immediately follow it with a ‘but,’ but hey... it's a damn good start, and yes, you're right, I can kind of understand. And as for dying... that's something I'm actually not afraid of anymore. You didn't kill me... end of story.” He had heard the quiet “sorry” and nodded several times. GET UP AND HUG HIM, STEVE. He slid off the chair abruptly, walked slowly toward Billy, and actually hugged him, even in his damn awkward way. The hug was barely noticeable, and he just patted the other guy lightly on the back... but hey, it was a hug in a way, and he hoped the voice in his head was now satisfied. “That was too much... wasn't it?” He asked as he broke away from Billy and tapped his chin thoughtfully with his finger. “How long do you have to stay here? Your dad sold your house... I mean, I have space, a lot of space. We'd just have to make some rules, you know... female visitors and stuff.” He shook his head several times. “No, wait... as soon as women enter my house, you can't show up... and it would be cool if you didn't bring any home, because then I'm sure I'd be interested in them too. Okay... we really need to sort that out.” His uncertainty was clearly evident, his façade was crumbling, and he was trying to keep himself under control with his jokes and ideas. He felt sorry for Billy... amen, he felt sorry for him and wanted to help, but Harrington had to process that first... it was hard to admit that to himself. For Max! Yes... for Max! “If you stay here longer, they'll come back for you... Max is safe here, they're not interested in her, but you... I don't want to know what they tested while you were in a coma. But now they'll want to continue their research, so think about it... I can take you with me.” |
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| Billy couldn't help but scoff at his remark about the ladies. But it hurt like hell, so the smile that came with it immediately died down again. He had so much to say about that topic specifically, but he needed another break from speaking as his head was beginning to hurt. Thankfully, there was no uncomfortable silence in the room at all. Uncomfortable talking, yes, but it was so much easier to bear, and Steve's voice gave him something to focus on. Over time, the pressure in his chest began to cease, and every following breath was calmer than the last. There was something so calming about Steve's voice, like hot chocolate on a cold winter's day, just like his mom used to make when he was little. Billy had almost completely forgotten about that memory until today.
"I guess if you really want to look after a bunch of kids, it's not that annoying," he croaked after a while. "I hated looking after Max 'cause it's all I ever had to fucking do, but... now that I'm here on my own terms, it's... different. And... you put up a damn good fight, actually. I was impressed." He looked at his sister again, his eyes softening. "Dying is not that scary to me anymore, either. When that thing... What did you call it? Mind Flayer? When it tore me apart... you can't imagine how that shit hurt. But pain... always filled me with spite. Maybe I'm just gonna hope that when I die for real one day, it doesn't hurt. Otherwise I'll just... put up another damn fight and it'll never be fucking over." Suddenly, Billy was trapped in a hug and tensed up from head to toe. But the instant Steve pat him on the back, it faltered, and he relaxed again, staring at him with widened eyes when the guy pulled away eventually. Afterwards, he sighed in relief. Not because it was over, but because some still remaining weight had fallen off his back, giving his lungs more room to breathe. And since Steve was still so close, he unvoluntarily inhaled his scent. Damn... He smells nice, he thought. "Not too much, just... didn't expect that," he uttered. And after what followed, Billy was just completely stuck in a state of speechlessness. His eyebrows narrowed and twitched, and he pursed his lips, trying his hardest to find the right words — or just a chance to speak at all. "What?! Wait wait wait, hold on... Steve, I—I can't even work yet, I have nothing, I can't give you any money for... rent and food and all of that." He paused and sighed deeply. After waking up, he had to stay in the hospital for a few days until they were able to release him. Ever since, he slept in the gym with Susan and some other residents from what used to be the trailer park. And of course, Billy hated every minute of it. He hated watching Susan be absolutely miserable; Not only had his father left her with fucking nothing when he divorced her, but she had to leave the only place she had been able to afford for herself and Max after Henry left the area in shambles. The tear in the Upside Down wasn't too big in the trailer park, but the military had evacuated anyone who lived close to the gates. And that wasn't even the end of it. Susan lost her daughter and got back her former stepson... And while she'd expressed relief about his return, Billy knew that it was an exchange she would have never asked for. He was the walking reminder of what had gone wrong in her life. "Stop— Stop talking about women, are you kidding me? Have you looked at me?" he asked, motioning his hands towards his sunken face and malnourished body. "I—I'm a fucking wreck, I still puke every god damn day because my stomach still can't take food, I stink like a rat and I can't do shit around the house without almost crashing... I..." Billy still stared at him, his face cracking with both hope and the relentless fear of being a burden, of being seen. "I... I can't ask that of you. Why would you... Are you sure?" |
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| “Well... somehow they’re not children anymore... I have to accept that. They’ve changed... they’re going to have to grow up damn fast. And Max was very mature from the start... mature and damn smart, which is why the boys were so fascinated by her... and they still are.”
He took a short, quiet breath. He really wanted to leave this damn hospital; it hurt to see her like this... and Billy certainly felt the same way. “We all saw it... I think every one of us can imagine how... it must have felt. At least those of us who have somehow come into contact with these fucking monsters before. That’s sick, Hargrove... and I hope none of us will have to die like that... Pain is bearable when... you accept it for others, but none of us want to give Vecna the satisfaction of being able to hurt us... we’ll see... but now you’re alive again, I think it’s strange to talk about dying right away.” The hug would give him pause. Steve wasn’t necessarily the type to seek closeness, unless he was in a relationship and in love. Otherwise, he avoided closeness, didn’t need it, felt weird, and now he had put his arms around Billy, his former arch-enemy. It was all kind of weird, but he tried not to get too caught up in it. “Um... Billy? This is my parents’ house... and they’re not here, and they’re not coming back. We have three years’ worth of food in the basement, we have water... electricity... you don’t have to pay rent for that. I don’t and neither do you... if you want to contribute, then use your brain every now and then when we’re trying to save the world and make sure you regain your strength. But I don’t need any damn money and there’s enough food.” And then again, those bursts of self-hatred that the blond guy revealed were almost heartbreaking. No... it was heartbreaking. “So... you smell like a hospital and kind of sterile... a little bit like Hawkins, but I wouldn’t say you stink. And everyone has always been attracted to your eyes... and they haven’t changed. Just because a body is emaciated and weak doesn’t mean you look like shit. And everything that’s bothering you right now, Sunnyboy, can change again. Stop putting yourself down, dude. If you need to puke, then puke... how many times do you think I’ve had to clean up that shit from the others? How many times I’ve had to patch up wounds... I’ve really seen and smelled it all by now. And you’re not asking for it, I’m offering it to you...” He leaned over to Max and whispered in her ear: “The heroine from the comic came back, gave the guy hell, and stood up for the weak... and now I’m taking your brother home, and when you get back... I bet he’ll go out for a beer with you.” He slowly walked to the door and nodded to Billy. “Now come on... there’s a bath waiting for you at home and... soup or porridge, whatever you can tolerate I’ve got some clothes for you, too. You’ll just have to get used to all the kids coming over from time to time and me spending two hours in the bathroom most mornings.” He didn’t wait for the other man’s answer; he went ahead to give Billy some more time with Max. He drove the car right up to the hospital entrance, and Iron Maiden’s “Heaven Can Wait” was playing on the radio. How fitting... |
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| "But..."
He didn't know what else to say. In truth, the thought was absolutely terrifying. Having Susan (and Max at the time) see so much of him had already been challenging enough in itself, but another guy his age? Billy never really knew what it was like to be around others without puffing up, never showing the tiniest cracks — and that was before he was possessed and nearly killed. If he agreed to this, Steve would see it all. The night terrors, the puking, the depression, the anxiety, the crying, and the mess he was able to make in less than a day. Would it take less than a day for Steve to be fed up with him and throw him out, too? But he couldn't sleep at all on those cots in the gym. He couldn't stand the noise in there all day from all the people. He hated the shower restrictions because they had to save water, the complete absence of privacy, and above all, Susan's guilty and pitiful looks all the live long day. Everyone would congratulate him on his bravery for "saving everyone at the StarCourt fire last year" while vandalizing any MISSING-posters of Eddie at the same time. Billy wanted to scream every single time. It made him sick. What if he could finally sleep through one night? What if he could finally have peace and quiet, just for a little? Steve said his eyes haven't changed. That surprised him, making him draw a breath when he looked at him. The face that would look back at him from the mirror looked so different now. So tired, so hopeless. And of all people, Harrington could still see something in there. Perhaps, it wasn't all so bad. Perhaps, this was the only chance to have some normality while he still recovered. Unable to protest any longer, Billy watched Steve whisper something into Max' ear, and slowly but surely, the faintest of smiles crept upon his lips. The promise of a nice bath and porridge sounded like music to his ears. It was then that he was finally able to speak again; But Steve was already gone to get the car. He took some deep breaths, told himself not to freak out, then got up. His eyes carried him back to Max and for a moment, he just stood there, watching her sleep. Her heartbeat was visible on her neck, strong and regular like a clockwork, and once more, Billy wondered whether she could hear things around her. Just like he could when he'd been in her place. "Right then, Max... Gotta go to see if Harrington's full of shit or not, because this sounds too good to be true," he jested. "Don't do what I wouldn't do, shitbird." Billy reached out his cold hand and placed it on top of her head for a moment. The imagination of Max being super annoyed about that somehow tugged at the corner of his mouth.
Once he exited the hospital, Billy put on his sunglasses even though it wasn't sunny at all, and found Steve in his car just a few minutes later. He couldn't help but check out the vehicle before he got in. Inside the BMW, he looked around the interior with nods of approval.
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| The time alone in the car helped him somehow process those few hours in the hospital, or at least he tried to process them... it wasn’t exactly easy for him either... even though it had been easier than he ever would have thought. What would the others say about it? Secretly, he had a feeling that they would accept Billy quite quickly, but it might be difficult with Lucas. Billy hadn’t made it easy for the boy back then and had made him feel that he wasn’t good enough for Max. Something like that leaves a deep impression, especially during puberty, but Lucas also wanted the best for Max. You could see and feel that he still loved her. The first true love...
Okay, Harrington... don’t get too worked up about it. Either it will all work out, or Billy will surely find a place with one of the others. He belongs with us now... and maybe he’s the key to Max. So... if he gets on your nerves, think of Max... and if you get on his nerves... well... then we’ll see what happens. Oh thank God... my conscience sounds like me again. A smile appeared on his lips. That means... chaos, wrong words at the wrong time... and all of Steve Potpori’s confusion is back... very good. When Billy finally sat down next to him wearing sunglasses, he wanted to ask why... but then he remembered that everything that was happening out here must still be unfamiliar to Hargrove, even uncomfortable, and he didn’t question it after all. "Yes... they did. It’s a limited edition... even the color was specially mixed for it. I’ve always worked... but to be honest, I just accepted all the rich kid shit from my parents. And hey... the car is fast and handles well in the curves... that’s an advantage right now.” He spoke openly about it; he didn’t have to pretend with Billy. His family was rich... and so was he, amen. While he had been driving for a while, he glanced briefly at Billy and slowly raised an eyebrow. “Yes.. that song just came out recently... eh, did you think I only liked disco stuff or pop? I mean, I also like Limahl, Wham, or Genesis. But every now and then, I like it a little harder.” He nodded slightly when Billy asked him to stop at the school, but when he parked in front of the building, his stomach tightened a little. This was where they had provided people with the most important things after Eddie’s death... at a time when no one knew what was going to happen next. It was a place where all the memories came flooding back to him, the good ones... and the bad ones, but he tried not to let it show. He swung open the car door and got out. He didn’t even ask Billy if he wanted help... he would just do it, and he had learned that you had to face your demons, because if you didn’t, an asshole like Vecna would use that against you. It was quiet here... eerily quiet, even though this place was open to the public. Awkward silence everywhere, it was consuming... it was sobering, but Steve forced a grin anyway, simply because he wanted to. “Old Mrs. Fletcher once caught me in the bathroom with one of my ex-girlfriends... originally they wanted to suspend me for a few weeks, but my parents bribed the school... it was pretty embarrassing, but it earned me bonus points as a cool guy back then...” He didn't know why he had to share this anecdote, but apparently it was Steve's insecurity and even nervousness when he talked about women... or things related to them. Just an anchor... |
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| "It's fine, I did the same with my Camaro. My dad paid for it back then when I got the license, but I had to do a ton of housework for like a month. At first, he wanted me to get straight A's at school, but that was never gonna happen, so I had to promise to drive Max everywhere. Man, I wish I could've seen his face when Susan told him it got totaled... I think it ended up in the junkyard..."
He grinned at the imagination and played around with the idea of going to look for it, but ultimately decided against it. Then, he snorted at Steve's words. "You like it a little harder, huh? I'll make sure to keep that in mind," Billy joked. It came out of him before he even thought about it, but it felt so natural to joke around with that little crumb that Steve had offered him. He couldn't not do it. "I was thinking more Madonna, actually," he added with a grin. The drive to the school was a little... strange. He liked the song, but once the car moved, his smile vanished completely and his entire mouth area tensed up instead. He took very deep breaths, told himself to focus on something other than the rising nausea in his stomach. Billy had never felt like that while riding a car before. A big sigh of relief escaped him when they finally stopped, but it got replaced by another wave of nervousness immediately. He hoped that Susan would be out or too busy right now, that he could just leave a note or ask someone else to tell her where he was. His overthinking got interrupted when Steve suddenly started talking about Mrs. Fletcher and an incident in the school's bathroom. The tension in Billy's chest only allowed him to look at him through his sunglasses without much of an expression at all. 
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| In principle, it wasn’t wrong for parents to give their almost adult children something valuable in exchange for something in return. After all, they wanted to explain to their children that life wasn’t always a bed of roses. But Steve heard so much more in Billy’s words, and he was sure that what his father had demanded of him had been far more complicated and harder than what the blond man was now revealing. It was corny... but tormented souls recognized each other and could sometimes understand each other without words. Steve, however, wasn’t thinking about soulmates or anything like that at that moment... instead, he explained the alarming buzzing in his head by telling himself that he had simply listened carefully to Max when she talked about her family.
“Yep, your Camaro is at the junkyard, but unfortunately it’s not accessible at the moment. So your father ran away... of course... what else. But hey, how does the saying go? You always meet twice in life. Maybe you’ll get the chance someday to....” He didn’t finish his sentence. He had originally wanted to say: then you’ll get the chance to get back at him, but he held back. Steve knew that revenge wasn’t a good motivator and that even if you got your revenge, it didn’t solve any problems or heal any wounds. However, he could understand it, and he probably wouldn’t stop Billy from punching the man who had beaten his children. Billy revealed to him that he too had once been caught in a one-on-one in the bathroom, but unlike Steve, he had been suspended... well... he wouldn't say that his parents were better... he wasn't ungrateful... but he actually owed them very little. 
“I mean, a little pressure is part of it, right? Otherwise, you’ll never get better.” He replied to Billy’s question about whether Steve was into harder stuff. And well... Harrington didn’t get the hint at first. He even nodded as if he had just said something very clever. Then the penny dropped, his eyes widening almost imperceptibly, his smile freezing. He looked at Billy and suddenly there was this dull OH on his face. “Wait... you don’t mean that the way I...” His ears turned red. “I mean, it’s not that I... I just...” Steve cleared his throat hastily and straightened up, squared his shoulders. “I can just... handle a lot... mentally... like that!” He paused and gritted his teeth. “That sounded weird...” He grimaced, ran his fingers through his hair, and muttered, “Man, forget it....” At first, he didn’t respond to the Madonna thing, as if he were admitting that he liked this singer... tsk. When they finally reached the school, Steve also got out, wanting to accompany Billy... but then he stopped at the car, lit a cigarette .. which he again didn’t finish smoking and got back in the car. When Billy returned, his eyes widened, anger written all over his pale face, and Hargrove apologized again for his behavior... and again Steve waved it off, because he was perfectly fine with others expressing their anger, even Billy Hargrove. The tension was palpable, and as Steve drove off, he thought about how he might be able to ease the situation a little. Finally, he leaned over to Billy, opened the glove compartment, took out a cassette tape, removed it from its case, and inserted it into the radio. A familiar female voice came out of the speakers, and Steve first tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, but then, when the chorus started, he sang along quietly at first, then a little louder, and finally he raised his voice to match Madonna’s tone. He wasn’t even embarrassed; it was his way of making a fool of himself in the hope of distracting Billy, and for that he was willing to give the other guy not just a crumb, but a whole cake. 
Finally, they reached his house, one of the largest family homes in town, and Steve grabbed Billy’s bag to bring it inside. “Welcome to the Harringtons,” he muttered and led his new roommate straight to the basement, where his parents had set up a large guest area. Windows large enough to provide plenty of light and not suggest a basement atmosphere, a large bed, a small kitchenette, and even a bathroom with a bathtub. “This will be your kingdom. You even have your own entrance in case you want to have visitors... or something. The bed has been freshly made... my parents still send a helper once a week to tidy up the house... eh... make yourself at home. I’m upstairs in the kitchen making porridge... and soup... come up when you’re ready, or I’ll bring you something down.” He placed a radio on the nightstand next to the bed. “Channel 7... if you feel dizzy or anything... you can reach me there.” Grinning, he nodded to the other man and disappeared upstairs to take care of the meals in the kitchen. Steve seemed to be completely absorbed in his mother-hen complex. 
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| "Here's hoping I don't have to see him again because of the lockdown. He can rot wherever he is for all I care."
That's all he said about it. For a moment, he recalled one of his first memories after waking up; Once he had been able to speak, Billy told the hospital staff to not tell his father that he was back. It's been almost a month since then and there was no sign of Neil, which he was more than relieved by. Somehow, it was also relieving that he didn't have to hide from Steve what his dad was really like. Max must have told him everything, and usually, he would have reacted much differently to the implication that someone else other than their family knew about it. But this was just Steve, right? Just Steve... He wasn't being an asshole about it at all, quite the contrary. It felt... liberating. "Didn't really care about getting better, just that I wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted." Billy pursed his lips to fight his grin but failed horribly. When he looked at Steve being all nervous and rambly, his eyebrows arched higher and higher with every attempts of his at getting out of that perceived misunderstanding. God, it was fun to tease the guy, and the way even his ears turned red was giving him a rush of dopamine he hadn't expected. He knew he was going to keep reminding himself not to overdo the teasing; Lest he would throw him out of the house again before they even got there. "Chill, chill, Harrington! I was just kidding. Sorry, I've got a filthy mind. I'll tone it down for ya, alright? Well... I'll try, but if you keep serving me that stuff on a silver platter, it's gonna be really difficult."
After his return from the gym, Billy was fuming inside his seat, breathing sharply through his nose and biting his nails. He didn't want to talk, didn't want to listen, didn't want to be looked at, didn't want anything except for maybe a punching bag or something. His feet were bouncing to the rhythm of his agitated heartbeat, and the clicking and thumping noises that Steve created by pulling out a cassette and throwing it into the player was vibrating in his overstimulated ears. He was just about to tell him to keep the music turned off when the first beats of the song drilled into his head.
At the Harringtons
The exterior of the house was already quite nice, much more impressive than the house he'd shared with his family, but the inside... Trying not to let it show too much, Billy just stared, looking almost intimidated by it. The basement looked incredible. His dad's money really hadn't been shit compared to this, and while Steve rattled through the setup of the area that was going to be his now, Billy couldn't get a single word out. Much like earlier in the hospital, his voice would simply not come up, let alone his ability to speak at all.
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| END OF TAPE
NEXT CHAPTER: Kids These Days → Steve and Billy are getting to know each other, one joke, one challenge, and one pushed boundary at a time. Humor becomes their language, mischief their handshake, and with every daring tease, they learn a little more about who the other really is beneath the bravado. 
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