Rules Were Made To Be Bent: Adverb Usage In Role-play Writing

A lot of fiction writing teachers, gurus, coaches, or whatever they’re calling themselves these days will tell you to avoid using adverbs outside of dialog. They especially hate to see them used in dialog attribution. The advice they seem to always give is to use adverbs as rarely as possible.

But first of all, what is an adverb? It’s hard to avoid something if you don’t know what it is.





A few quotes about adverb usage from writers you may recognize:

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”~ Stephen King

“Adverbs are the tool of the lazy writer.”~ Mark Twain

“Adverbs are a sign that you’ve used the wrong verb.”~ Annie Dillard


Pretty harsh, huh? The first thing we’re going to point out here is that writing styles change through time and from genre to genre. What’s acceptable in a romance novel may not apply to crime drama, for example. One of the things they tell you when you’re learning to write is to read the classics. Learn from the masters. Sure, that sounds like great advice, except the classics are old. Writing styles and preferences were different then. Now, we love Dickens as much as anybody else, perhaps more so, but you just can’t get away with publishing stuff like his these days:

“He lived in a gloomy suite of rooms in a lowering pile of building up a yard, where it had so little business to be that one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide and seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again.”

- from “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens, 1843

Woooooooooow. Right? That’s a helluva sentence. But we love that sentence. It’s fanciful, descriptive, has a great rhythm to it – and would be red-penned by any editor in publishing today.

In role-play we don’t need to worry about an editor’s feedback or how the market might affect what we’re writing. That’s one of the nice freedoms of writing role-play. But that doesn’t mean we can’t strive to improve our writing within that context. Role-play writing doesn’t have to be lazy writing. It doesn’t have to be bad writing as too many assume. Role-play writing can tell a great story just like a novel can.

We’re not going to say avoid adverbs completely; that would be ridiculous, especially in writing for role-play. Adverbs aren’t evil. They’re just one of the four content parts of speech (along with nouns, adjectives, and verbs). You wouldn’t tell a baseball pitcher with four effective pitches to only use three of them; why should a writer give up an entire part of speech?

What we are going to suggest is that writers pay attention to how often they are using adverbs outside of dialog and use them as a flag to reflect upon that sentence or phrase in particular to see if it could be edited. It might be a rule of writing to avoid excessive use of adverbs, but rules were meant to be at least bent, if not broken.

The main reason we think adverb usage is worth taking a look at in role-play writing is because of another writing “rule”: show, don’t tell. This could be considered a companion blog to our earlier blog on “Showing Versus Telling In Your Writing”. One of the clearest signs of too much telling versus showing is a lot of adverbs outside of dialog.

Another common overuse situation with adverbs is role-play writers who seek to pad their word count with them, or make themselves look more “literate” by using a lot of them. To anyone not dazzled by purple prose and word salad, it has the opposite effect. This same writing could benefit from the reflection suggested above. Every time you see an adverb just consider it a flag to note.

Adverbs DO have their place in writing. Writers, as creators who use words as their medium, just have to be selective in their usage. There’s nothing wrong with being selective and there’s certainly nothing wrong with editing a first draft, even a couple of times until you feel like it’s been fine-tuned.

So now that you know what an adverb is, know how it could be affecting your writing, what can you do about it? Well, remember the whole idea of the “flag” on each adverb? Go through each one and re-read the sentence and the surrounding context. Think about what you’re really trying to say in that section and then ask yourself some questions:

1. Does removing the adverb change the meaning or feeling of this sentence? If yes, then you probably want to keep it. Examples:
   
   He was an overly sensitive young man.- Describes a young man who feels things more than others of his kind. Implies prickliness.
   He was a sensitive young man.- Describes a young man who feels things. Implies delicacy or thoughtfulness.
   
   These two seem different enough from each other that keeping the adverb in the first sentence is warranted.
   
   
2. Is the adverb redundant or obvious? There’s no point in saying things that are repetitive. Get rid of it. Examples:
   
   scowled angrily
   quickly sprinted
   
   Scowling already indicates anger or frustration. We don’t need to tell the reader that again, just like the act of sprinting is to move quickly. Get rid of those adverbs, they’re just cluttering up your writing.
   
   
3. Is the sentence changed by removing the adverb? This is the flip side of the first question. There are a bunch of commonly used adverbs, particularly those used as intensifiers (“extremely”, “truly”, “very”, “really”, “definitely”) that might be able to be stricken with little consequence to the meaning of the sentence.
   
   She was truly angry.
   She was angry.
   
   The second sentence is pretty much the same as the first sentence but if you feel it isn’t conveying the level of intensity you desire, consider using a different adjective that better fits your meaning.
   
   She was furious.
   
   
4. Is there a better word that conveys my meaning without using an adverb? The above is an example of this as well. Our example here:
   
   He walked silently.
   
   There are a ton of ways to say this that don’t use an adverb: he crept, he tip-toed, he moved like a ghost. All of those are more concise than just tacking on an -ly adverb to a verb to modify it. I think this is the part Mark Twain was talking about. It takes a bit longer to find the right words, but it’s always worth it if you love writing.
   
   How about if the adverb is talking about the character’s feelings instead of his physical actions? While this may at first seem like an exception, it isn’t. Take this example:
   
   He crept fearfully.
   
   Yes, it’s descriptive, but you’re telling the reader how your character is feeling, not showing them. This is where adverbs tie in to showing, not telling. Try to show your reader that your character is afraid. Now is also an excellent time to consider whether your character has any unique reactions to the emotional state in question. Perhaps they twitch, or their eyes water, or they turn a different color. It doesn’t have to be unique though. Common signs of fear such as trembling, increased respiration, clammy skin, increased heart rate can all be incorporated into describing your character’s situation and actions. Consider this edit:
   
   He crept along the high wall of the cliff, an army of Orcs massed below him unaware. One slip would alert them to his presence. Heart pounding, Our Relateable Hero used shaky fingers to grope for handholds since his knees felt too much like jelly to be trusted.
   
   Zero adverbs necessary.
   
   
   
5. Is the adverb vague? Does it convey something that could better be told through imagery and description? Example:
   
   She danced beautifully.
   
   Try expanding on this with more description and imagery and ditching the adverb:
   
   She danced like a cloud skipped on a brisk wind, hair swaying with the graceful curve of her body. Her feet, almost forgotten in such smooth carriage across the ballroom floor, seemed to not bother with touching it.

Using adverbs outside of dialog is a tough habit to break. We still catch ourselves doing it all the time and make edits. Don’t despair if you read through your work and find many examples of this. Consider them all opportunities to enhance your writing by flagging those adverbs mentally and asking yourself the questions we mentioned above. Not only will you hone your writing craft, you’ll increase your confidence as a writer when you see the breadth of your own lexicon and the flexibility with which you can construct sentences. You will be able to look at your original sentence and then at your final edit and SEE instant improvements in what you’re writing. This is one of the most fulfilling feelings for a writer, we think, and we want every single member of RPL to feel as positive and empowered about their writing as possible.


We hope this helps.




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RPL Writer's Corner Disclaimer: As always, these articles are merely suggestions and recommendations based on our experience, the advice of experts, publishing standards, and/or established rules of the language. People are free to do as they please with their writing. These aren't rules and the author has provided this in an attempt to be helpful to other writers and role-players. If the information doesn't suit you, simply disregard.